Life can often keep you busy with things like school, kids, and work, trying to keep up with your friends and have a social life. Sometimes it all just seems like too much to do, and there's not enough time to lounge around the house without feeling like you should be up and cleaning ALL THE TIME.
Everybody deals differently with the stress of trying to do too much. I have friends who drink a pot of coffee a day or a two liter of coke, but this might not be enough for everyone. I know they weren't enough to keep me going.
Two years ago, a friend reminded me about the popular study drug, Adderall.
She used Addies as a sort of a mild upper from time to time, and she said it was amazing - she could get so much done in a matter of hours and still have energy left!
My friend had a great job, went to school at night and took great care of her kids. I'd always been impressed with her ability to get so much done with a smile on her face. She said she never had issues focusing while taking Adderall. It seemed like the perfect drug for a busy mom like me, so I started to consider it.
Why I Started Taking Addies
You know how I said everyone has their own personal situation at home? Well let me tell you the situation I found myself in. After being married for five years, I had two young kids at home and was trying to go back to school. My husband was still in the military at the time. It seemed like only a few weeks had passed since he returned home from his last deployment, when we decided it was okay for me to go back to school. Then, the phone rings and we found out my husband is being sent overseas again for 12 more months.
I thought, that's okay, I can do this. Plenty of women manage kids and take care of the home while their men are deployed; I can do this AND keep up with my studies.
It was about 3 months into my husband’s deployment that I started to seriously consider my friends suggestion of taking Adderall. Life was taking its toll, and I felt like I was struggling to fight it. The kids never seemed to calm down, the house was a constant mess, and I just didn’t have the energy at the end of the day to try and sit in front of a computer for hours so I fell behind in school.
I was desperate, and it was time to try my friend's “miracle drug".
I spoke with my girlfriend again, and she recommended that I visit her doctor. She told me all the right things to say and what not to say. After all, Adderall is a schedule II controlled substance in the United States and has a high potential for overuse. You need to have serious symptoms to get a prescription.
Getting A Prescription Was Easy
I just walked in and told the doctor I thought I was suffering from ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). I had to go through a little test of sorts and answer a few questions, but within an hour I was walking out the door with a prescription.
I started taking the Adderall in very small doses, one fourth of a pill per day. That was is all I needed to get me through my day, at first.
I felt great! No power naps or large amounts of caffeine necessary. I got so much more done than I ever did before. I felt so good while I was taking the medication; I felt this way every single day.
Alas, it would not always be this way.
About two months after beginning my Adderall boost, I started to feel that dragging feeling take over again shortly after lunch, so I upped my dosage in the mornings.
A little over a year after I started taking one fourth of a pill of Adderall, I was taking two pills just to get through the day. Once, I forgot to get my prescription filled before the pharmacy closed and that was a total nightmare. I could barely get out of bed the next day and I felt so confused, like two wires in my brain just weren’t connecting.
I never told my husband about my (addiction to) taking Adderall. I justified it by saying I didn’t want him to worry that I couldn’t handle things, but honestly, I was mainly embarrassed he wouldn’t like the idea of a drug addict taking care of his kids.
When he finally returned home, he said he could tell that something was different about me (which I took to mean in a positive way, of course). He mentioned the way I talked to a few new mannerisms I had picked up.
I soon fessed up, and when he found out just how much Adderall I was taking (almost 3 pills a day), he was pretty upset to say the least. I could stop though! My husband was home and he could now help around the house and with the kids, so I stopped.
Just like that. Then, all hell began.
My Adderall Crash
I never thought of myself as someone who would need rehab. After all, rehabilitation centers are for people with serious addictions like cocaine and heroin. But after I tried to quit Adderall cold turkey, I realized I was in trouble.
It started with just not feeling normal. I barely woke up the day after I quit (very very late), and my body and mind seemed to know that something was different; there goes those two wires not connecting again. I had the luxury of going back to bed that day and sleeping through the night, but my day was completely gone.
My sleeping schedule wasn't the only part of my life that was affected. I was extremely hungry, gaining weight rapidly, irritable and started suffering from severe panic attacks and paranoia. All of the classic Adderall withdrawal symptoms, I later learned.
I felt like my body was betraying me, and I just couldn’t find my footing to get back to my normal, everyday activities. I was much worse off than before I ever took these little blue pills.
Recovering For My Family
Unfortunately, I wasn’t the only one suffering: my husband and kids were suffering from my lack of attention and mood swings, too. I realized I needed to get medical help and went to my personal doctor who helped me get my life back together.
After 30 days of Adderall rehab and group therapy, my skies started to clear. But it took me over a year to truly feel normal again.
Adderall seemed like a good idea at the time, but I guess it is labeled as a controlled substance for a reason.